I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
