I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
