What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
