even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
