You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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