Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
