I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
