69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You've changed since you got that strap on
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
