My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
