we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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