blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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