I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
