Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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