Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
