Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
too bad you live with your parents still
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
