We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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