She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
