I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
