the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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