I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
