Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
