I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
