Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
