My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's Friday. Sex?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
