i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
