I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
