she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My vagina just recognized that song.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
