well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
