we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
