....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
