when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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