i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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