im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
