I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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