You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
