Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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