We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
