there's paper in my vomit.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
