Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
