At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
