we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
