Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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