he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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