i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
