If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
