is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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