I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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