Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
