I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
