I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
