office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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