dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
