dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
