If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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