I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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