Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
