We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A+ Viking dick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
